


Just The Two Of Us (and our ghosts)

by ThatTransKiddo1910



Category: Sanders Sides (Web Series)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Ghosts, Author Is Sleep Deprived, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Gen, Hurt Anxiety | Virgil Sanders, Hurt/Comfort, I Don't Even Know, Logic | Logan Sanders Needs a Hug, Pirate Anxiety | Virgil Sanders, Trans Morality | Patton Sanders, cartoon therapy characters as the plague ghosts, essentially bbc ghosts with the sides, yes the immune system is a character now
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-03-18
Updated: 2021-03-26
Packaged: 2021-03-27 15:40:14
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 7,848
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/30125025
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ThatTransKiddo1910/pseuds/ThatTransKiddo1910
Summary: Remy and Emile think their dreams have come true when a distant relative of Remy's (who he's never met) passes away and her massive estate is left to him. A massive estate that the couple dream of turning into an immensely successful hotel.They had planned for the extensive repairs that the neglected building would need. They had not, however, expected the ghosts that reside there. The ghosts who are not all to pleased at the thought of sharing their home with unwanted guests.Essentially BBC Ghosts with the sides (and shorts characters).
Relationships: Dr. Emile Picani/Sleep | Remy Sanders
Kudos: 7





	1. New Residents

**Author's Note:**

> So I figured I'd start posting this fic now that my Avengers Sides story is almost finished. This whole fic literally stemmed from the fact that PAt from BBC Ghosts is basically Patton. That's it.   
> Is this going to be historically accurate? No. Will it be original? No. Did I absolutely love writing this? Hell yes!
> 
> Quick little warning. Every second chapter (after the first few) will focus on one of the ghosts and eventually talk about their deaths. If this upsets you please don't read about it, I'll put warnings on those chapters just in case. 
> 
> Hope y'all enjoy :)

_ Do you believe in ghost stories? Those stories about tragedy and pain, where poor souls have their lives cut short and are left behind in our mortal realm for eternity, unable to move on. Unable to find true peace. Houses that are infected with hundreds of these poor, wandering souls, all stuck together in a shared purgatory.  _

_ The Sanders House is one such place. These walls have seen much tragedy, so much pain and anger. I can feel them. Those poor lost souls that reside here. And, as much as I pity them, I can only hope that I do not join them when I am gone.  _

_ \- Alison Sanders.  _

******

“It’s not too bad, love.” 

Remy pulled his sunglasses down and shot his husband a glare. To his credit, their real estate agent had found a better home than the last place they looked at (moldy carpet on the ceiling, balcony held up by a fridge and three doors that were about 3 feet off the ground? Yeah, no thanks) and it was within their budget. But…. it wasn’t exactly what you’d call a ‘Dream Home’. 

“Look, it saves on cleaning. And we can spend some more time together, discuss dinner, that sort of thing.”

“Babes, there’s a damn  _ shower _ in the  _ kitchen _ . No. Ma’am.”

Emile sighed. He agreed with Remy, this place wasn’t exactly what they were looking for, but they didn’t really have a whole lot of options. It was either this, the creepy devil worship house or the one with the pig that kept sneaking into the kitchen. None of them exactly screamed luxury. But there wasn’t a whole lot they could do about that. 

“How about we take another look at the first house. The view was nice there, wasn’t it? And the wallpaper was lovely, we wouldn’t have to spend so much on deco-”

“Honey, there was a bloodstain under the carpet.”

“The man said it was paint, sweetheart, and it was less expensive.”

“One, the man looked like Herbert West, and two, he wanted to live in the damn basement.”

“Love, I don’t think we have much ch-”

RuPaul’s _ ‘Kitty Girl’  _ cut Emile off as Remy’s phone began to ring. The sassy boy waved his husband off and answered the call. 

“Sup gurl, Remy Sanders-Picani here.” 

Emile felt himself get a little worried as he watched how his husband’s jaw dropped and he went completely silent (a rare occurrence for his flamboyant husband). The boy stood there in shock for a few moments, spluttering out a response to the person on the other end every now and then.

“W-well thank y-y-you for l-letting me know. We’ll see … see you then. B-bye.”

“Gem?” Emile took a step towards his husband, wrapping an arm around him. “You okay, dear?”

Remy paused for a moment, clearly still in shock and took a few seconds to pull himself together before answering Emile.

“My aunt died.”

“I didn’t know you had an aunt. Are you okay?”

“Y-yeah, I’m alright. I didn’t know either, she was some kind of distant relative.”

“So what’d they say?”

“She’s got no other family, so….”

“So?”

“Her house has been left to me.”

********

**(Back in the Sanders House)**

“I didn’t force you to move rooms, Lo.”

“Not once have I accused you of such a thing, Virgil. It’s just the insistent singing in the wee hours that is incredibly annoying and impolite-”

“Then move.”

“I-”

Patton rushed over to the pair, frantically trying to calm the situation down. 

“Guy, guys, guys. Calm down, okay. Logan, how about we try moving you back to your old room and then-”

“That will not suffice, Patton. I wanted the garden view. I do not understand why I should have to give that up because of Virgil’s incessant singing.”

Virgil scoffed and shook his head. “Janus, Roman  _ and  _ Immy have all stayed in that room and haven’t said nothin’ about my singing. You’re the only one that has a problem with it.”

“My issue does not lie with your singing, Virgil, it’s just when you choose to do it that I find truly bothersome.”

“If you don’t like what I decide to do in  _ my  _ bedroom then either move back into your old room or grow a pair and deal with it. Savvy?”

“I don’t see why I have to move, I wanted the garden view-”

Roman stood up, flailing his arms wildly. “The garden view comes with the singing pirate!”

Patton covered his ears as the bickering intensified, all his friends attempting to talk over each other. Remus had decided that it would be an absolutely splendid idea to chip in and accuse Logan of calling Roman an ‘uneducated dunce’, setting the poet off on an angry rant. Brilliant. 

They argued for a good ten minutes before they were interrupted by Brian (or his head anyways, his body had decided to go for a wonder yet again). “Everyone!” Everyone went silent and gave him their full attention. “Thank you kindly. There appears to be a carriage heading towards the house. Thought it might be of interest.” 

The group rushed to the window, tripping over each other to try and get a decent look. Brian was right, there was indeed a carriage (well, car anyway) pulling up to the house. The ghosts were as excited as they were nervous. No one had visited the house since Lady Alison had passed away so it was a welcome treat to see some new faces, however, this could mean bad news for the current residents. What if they wanted to tear down the house? What would they do? Where would they go? 

Two young men stepped out of the car, one in a fuzzy pink cardigan and a muppets t-shirt (that Patton was definitely  _ not  _ jealous of) and the other wearing a leather jacket and sunglasses. Quite the odd pair but they seemed nice nonetheless. They had an air of excitement about them that would be lacking in a person who planned to tear down their beautiful home. So that was a good sign. Right?

“Babes! Look at this!” Remy squealed, grasping Emile’s hand excitedly as he gazed at the impressive structure. It was a beautiful 15th century manor that had obviously been neglected for some time. The greenery had become overgrown and had begun to reclaim the building, vines climbing the walls and eclipsing several grand windows. The couple was confident however that, despite its current state of disrepair, they could restore the home to its former glory. 

Emile chuckled at his husband’s excitement and offered him the key to the building. “Care to do the honours, my gem?” He grinned as Remy ook the key and practically dragged him towards the building. 

The pair had been expecting a few structural problems, after all, it was an old home. But  _ this _ … let’s just say it was gonna take a few loans. The walls were cracked, some had completely collapsed after years of neglect. They took note of several spots on the ceiling that looked like they could cave in at any moment. The floorboards were rotting, definitely needing replaced, and the home was absolutely freezing (great, a new boiler as well). 

“Well, it’s certainly not Prince Charming’s castle but we can sort this.” Emile spoke, trying to be optimistic. “We could get Jeremy to have a look at the structural stuff for us. Once that’s done, all this place’ll need is a lick of paint and it’ll be good as new.” 

Remy smiled, finding his partner’s enthusiasm to be pretty contagious, and began rambling excitedly about paint shades and curtains. 

“See.” Pat spoke as the group followed the couple around the house, “They seem nice, don’t they?”

“Well, at least theys not tearing our home down ands banishings us from our land.” Harley smiled. 

“Well…” Logan paused, forcing himself not to upset Harley by correcting his grammar, “Although I do agree that it is a positive that they’re not tearing our home down, I do not believe we should relax just yet.” 

Janus shuddered as the pair talked about painting the living area purple. “Do they have no taste? The room should be beige, I’d even accept ochre if they were feeling adventurous, but this is madness.” 

“Well, I think it’s lovely.” Pat smiled (ignoring Remus’  _ “you would” _ ). “We should give them a chance. After all, it’s nice to have some new faces around here.” 

Before he could say more, he was cut out by a groan of discomfort from Harley as the cardigan wearing fellow walked right through him. “Hey. Rem? Do you smell burning?”

“Nope, babes. Must just be you.”

“Probably. I’ll have Jeremy check it out anyway.”

Virgil patted Harley’s back as he coughed and spluttered. They all hated when that happened. The group fussed over Harley for a second until something caught their attention.

“It’s a gorgeous place, isn’t it?” Remy grinned as Emile walked up behind him and wrapped his arms around his waist, resting his head on Remy’s shoulder. He hummed in agreement, his brain was still trying to take in that all of this was now theirs. 

“It’s beautiful, Rem. It’ll be the best hotel ever.”   


The group gasped in horror. No, no, no. This was their home, not a hotel. It was bad enough being trapped here without having their home swarming with unwanted visitors. Shocked murmurs, complaints and curses were shared throughout the group as they attempted to take this in. That was, apart from Immy, the caveman having never seen a hotel before. He turned to Patton with a raised eyebrow. “What is hotel?” 

“Well, Immy. A hotel is…” 

********

“Kill them.” 

“Now, now Immy.” Pat attempted to calm his stoneage friend, clearly not sold on the idea of the dreaded hotel. 

“No, no. Tarzan here has a point.” Remus spoke. “It’s bad enough that we’re all stuck here together, imagine how much worse it would be if we had to worry about guests! I mean,” he chuckled, “I know what  _ I  _ used to get up to at hotels. There was this girl, she could-”

The group cut him off before he could continue, not in the mood to hear about Remus’ “adventures”. The politician rolled his eyes but didn’t continue the story, instead crossing one fishnet clad leg over the other and getting the conversation back on topic. “Anywho, killing them is the only way. They can’t see us, hear us or anything really and we have no power here to force them out.” 

Roman let out a dramatic sigh. “But if we kill them, we could be trapped with them forever. And I fear they may not be very forgiving.” 

“Roman’s right.” Patton chimed in. 

“Then what do you expect us to do man?” Logan snapped, fixing his tie. 

“Well… what about … haunting?” Patton glanced around the room. “We are ghosts.” There were several murmurs of agreement. It was definitely better than their other plan, they’d get to keep their home and no one would get hurt. Everyone wins. 

“Right then, let’s give it a go. After all, how hard can this haunting business be?”


	2. Haunting

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The ghosts attempt to haunt the new couple. Turns out it's a lot more difficult than it looks.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There is an somewhat attempted murder towards the end of this chapter. Nothing graphic but, ya know, a little heads up :)

**_“Right then, let’s give it a go. After all, how hard can this haunting business be?”_ **

Turns out it was very difficult. No, very nearly  _ impossible. _

The group of spirits had gathered in the living area (no pun intended) to come up with their plan once the excitable couple had left to start moving their belongings into the manor (not like they’d be able to hear the ghosts plan anyways). With the house finally back to a peaceful silence, they began to plot their haunting. 

***The previous day***

“Attention, gentlemen.” Logan turned everyone’s attention to him. They were all spread out on the singular sofa in the room and the floor surrounding it. All apart from Brian, who was currently being carried around by Andy after his body once again went walkabouts. 

“This is a military operation, gentlemen. We will need all of our strength if we stand any chance of defeating the enemy. Any suggestions are welcome.” He paused to look around the group, waiting for someone to chip in and sighed when no one did. “We all know that Immy can interfere with the lights.” He paused as Immy demonstrated his skills (the caveman groaned and huffed as he focused all his energy on the task at hand, grinning when the lamp in front of him started flickering). The group clapped and cheered as Immy bowed. “Now. It would be most helpful if we had more troops with such abilities. Anyone?”

“Whens the livings walks through me, theys smells a most horrific smell of burnings.” Harley chipped in, raising a hand. 

“Excellent, Harley. Any more suggestions?”

“When I first came to this place, there was rumour that the spirit of a pirate could be heard singing in the night.” Roman spoke with an air of drama that split the group between rolling their eyes and being extremely invested in what he was saying. 

_ “My heart is pierced by Cupid _

_ I disdain all glittering gold  _

_ There is nothing can console me _

_ But my jolly sailor bold.”  _

The group jumped back in shock, turning to face a smirking Virgil. The pirate was seated on the windowsill with an eyebrow raised. “People find it unnerving, apparently.” He spoke softly, enjoying the look of unease that the group shared.    
  
“Can’t imagine why.” Patton chuckled uncomfortably in an attempt to diffuse the awkward tension, rubbing the back of his head nervously (being sure to avoid the wound). 

They spent the rest of the day discussing their abilities and planning their haunting. 

Andy, as most of the spirits fondly remembered, was able to possess the living for very short periods of time. Something he’d done in the past to embarrass a still living Remus as he attempted to flirt with a beautiful young lady. They doubted she’d ever managed to get the red wine stain out of her dress. Patton had, reluctantly, admitted to being able to interfere with electronics (he didn’t want to break anyone’s belongings, after all). Roman, ever the attention seeker (according to Remus), was the only one of them that could be seen in photographs and, occasionally, reflections. 

Brian’s body could be heard by the living as it wandered aimlessly around the house, though finding it would prove to be quite a task (for something with no head it was surprisingly good at hiding). Janus could cast shadows on the walls, Logan’s presence often made the living feel very cold and Remus, as he often bragged, was the only one of them that could physically interact with items around the house, albeit with a great deal of effort. 

After much discussion and a few trial runs to ensure everyone’s abilities were up to scratch, they were ready, agreeing to start their haunting first thing in the morning. 

“Right gentlemen. Let’s scare these intruders out of our home.”

********

“Emi? Have you heard back from Jeremy about the boiler yet? The water’s colder than your Auntie Sandra’s heart.”

Remy fumbled around the bathroom, dressed only in his bathrobe, as he searched for something (the ghosts were unsure as to what) and made his way towards the sink. He chuckled as Emile tried (halfheartedly) to defend his aunt before raising an eyebrow as his husband informed him that he planned to fix the boiler himself. How could that possibly go wrong?

“Roman, this is your chance!” Logan spoke as he, Roman and Harley crowded around the sassy man, currently washing his face in the sink.   
  
“Alright, alright. Step aside, gentlemen.” The poet waved his companions away as he took his place beside Remy, making sure that he (and the bullet wound in his abdomen) were clearly visible in the mirror. He focused all of his energy into the mirror, being sure to appear as soon as Remy raised his head…

Nothing. 

Absolutely nothing, not even a flinch from the man. 

“What in heaven’s name is going on?!” Logan exclaimed as Roman let out a defeated sigh, disappearing from the mirror, exhaustion overtaking him. Haunting really took it out of you. 

“I sees no fear in ‘is heart. Whys he show no fear towards clear witchcraft?” Harley stared at Remy in confusion and slight unease. That unease rose as he watched the living man take out a small box containing two clear discs. He raised the disk to his eyes and … Harley didn’t even know what he was doing but it was not natural. “He be a witch!” Harley shrieked, clutching onto a visibly uncomfortable Logan’s arm. 

Remy grinned as his vision cleared. It was always nice seeing the world properly, though with the state the house was currently in, maybe it was better viewed through blurred vision. He wandered out of the bathroom, completely oblivious to the group of spirits following him, one rambling about witchcraft. 

Remus rolled his eyes as Harley fumbled over an explanation of what they’d witnessed the “warlock” do. “Calm down, Winnie. They’re contact lenses. It’s to help him see, like glasses but for vain people.” 

**(author is totally not just jealous of people that can wear contacts without panicking)**

Logan cleared his throat, gently dislodging himself from Harley’s grip and fixed his suit. “Yes, um, I knew that too. I just found the process of inserting them rather odd.”

“Whatever, Iceman.”

“Immy, Janus, you two are up.”

Immy stood by the light, grunting and groaning as he put all his energy into making the light flicker. Janus stood at his side, casting his shadow across the wall. 

Remy frowned as the lights began to flicker. Stupid faulty wiring. He let out a shocked gasp as what appeared to be the shadow of a man danced across the wall. He fumbled for the light switch, turning the lights on and off a few times until they returned to normal. 

Immy yelped as the plan backfired and the light shocked him, sending him falling back and crashing into Janus as he went (taking them both to the ground and causing the Victorian ghost's shadow to disappear). 

Remy giggled as he caught sight of a suit of armour, standing in front of the window. “Must’ve been a trick of the light. Pull yourself together gurl.” He muttered to himself, concluding that the shadow must’ve been caused by the suit of armour. Who the hell even keeps stuff like that in their house anyway?

Logan let out a frustrated groan and walked through Remy, ignoring his own discomfort, and felt a small glimmer of hope as the man began to shiver. It didn’t occur to him till after that this changed nothing. The house did not have a working heating system and the boy was wandering around in a bathrobe. Of course he’d be cold!

He glared at Remus as the politician let out a laugh, sending a few choice words his way before turning to Patton as he saw Remy take his mobile device out of his pocket. “Come on, man.”

Patton reluctantly began to mess with the device, causing the screen to glitch and jump around, much to the living man’s annoyance. Patton couldn’t bring himself to break it though. It wasn’t his phone to break and he’d heard the couple talking about their financial troubles, what if they couldn’t afford to fix it? And, besides, it was really cool. There wasn’t a button in sight, the boy was controlling the device just by touching the screen! How awesome was that?!

“Virgil, now!”

The pirate had barely opened his mouth to sing a creepy melody when Remy’s phone came to life, blasting out (what the younger ghosts recognised as) ‘It’s Raining Men’. The song completely drowned out Virgil’s singing, causing the pirate to let out a string of curses (some sounding completely foreign to his friends). 

Remy grinned and kept heading towards the bedroom, walking right through Harley. The smell of burning hit his nostrils and he rolled his eyes. “Honey, I think you burned your toast!” He called, not even sure if Emile had heard him. 

“Remus!” Logan pointed to the glass vase sitting on the table that Remy was currently headed towards. Remus immediately caught on, fixing his tie and bracing himself to move this thing. The ghosts gathered around him, calling out words of encouragement as he attempted to move the vase, the stupid thing suddenly felt like it weighed a ton. Luck was apparently not on their side today as Remy walked past the vase, not even noticing when Remus managed to move the object a millimetre to the right. 

They let out a collective sigh of disappointment as Remus clutched his hand (the cramp already setting in). Patton let out a nervous chuckle and shook his head. “Haunting is a lot harder than I thought.”

********

Remy strolled into the kitchen and took a seat on the table, stealing a slice of toast and honey from his partner. Emile just grinned at him and shook his head, wolfing down his own slice of toast.    
  
“Gem?”

“Hmm?”    
“Wanna come down into the basement with me and we can see about this boiler. Two sets of eyes are better than one, right?”

“You’re scared aren’t you?”

“What- No! I just want your opinion on the boiler is all.”

“You know I don’t know the first thing about boilers. I almost ruined the one at your parents, remember? And you said you’d never let me near another boiler as long as you lived.”

“Yeah but-”

“You think I didn’t notice that the basement light’s broken? Babes, you’re not a good liar.”

“Alright, fine. You’re right.”

“I know.”

“You’ll come with me though, right?”

Remy rolled his eyes and chuckled at Emile, pecking the man on the cheek and nodding. “Of course honey. I’ll make sure the ghosts don’t get you.”

“No such thing as ghosts.”

“Yeah, you’re right. Guess the little girl I saw playing in the basement must be a neighbour or something.”

Emile choked on his orange juice and stared at his husband with wide eyes. “What little girl!”

His fear soon disappeared when he saw Remy cackling. He sent him a not so convincing glare and grabbed a flashlight. “Don’t worry honey, I’ll protect you.” Remy chuckled as he led the way to the basement. Screeching when Emile playfully grabbed him, pretending he was going to push him down the stairs.

“Asshole.”

“You love me though.”

“I hate it when you’re right.” 

********

The basement was about as creepy as you’d expect the basement of an old, abandoned house to be. The ceiling was decorated with cobwebs, the stone tiles on the floor were filthy and almost everything in the basement managed to cast an eerie shadow across the room. 

As luck would have it, the boiler was in it’s own separate little room at the back of the basement. Yes, it was a longer walk through the dark and dreary basement but it also meant that the boiler room had its own light. And, thank god, this one actually worked!

The couple scanned over the boiler for a few minutes, attempting (and actively failing) to determine how the blasted thing was supposed to work. They were completely unaware of the curious group surrounding them.

“Who’re they?” Elliot asked, staring curiously at the newcomers.

“New owners, maybe?” Dot answered.

“Aw no, does that mean Annabelle’s gone?” Larry added with a frown.

“It’s Alison, dear, and must be. Poor thing wasn’t doing too great the last time we saw her.” Dot answered, the group hummed in agreement. 

“Well, we’ll miss her won’t we?” Larry spoke, receiving murmurs of agreement from the others. Alison had been one of the good ones. Granted, they had only seen her a handful of times.

“What do you think this button does?” Emile asked, receiving a shrug from Remy. Deciding to just go for it, he pressed the button and a blue light appeared on the front of the machine. “Hey!” Emile exclaimed proudly, “I think I fixed it.”

“No you haven’t, dear.” Dot spoke, well aware that they couldn’t hear her. “That’s just the pilot light.”

Remy was apparently on the same page as Dot. “Babes, I think that’s just the pilot light thingy.” He chuckled and took Emile’s hand, turning the light off and leading him through the room. “We’ll ask Jeremy for some advice.”

“Do you think we’ll need to get a new one?” Emile asked, glancing back at the machine.

“What? And get rid of Old Betsy?” Larry scoffed. 

Remy shrugged and led Emile out of the room. “Maybe. You ready?”

The group behind them muttered to each other, not sure what Remy meant. “I’m ready.” Corbin spoke, curious. Disappointed murmurs filled the basement as Remy merely turned off the light and the pair headed back upstairs. 

“Well, they seem nice.” Sloane smiled, glad they got a chance to meet the new owners. 

“Yeah.” Elliot agreed. “Come back soon!” They called out to the couple. “Aww, they can’t hear me, can they?”

********

To say the ghosts were stressed would be an understatement. They had spent all day today trying to haunt the new couple and scare them out of their home but absolutely nothing they did worked. All of their plans failed.

Andy had attempted to possess both Emile and Remy but, due to being out of practice, had only managed to make Emile drop a cup and Remy knock over a rack of cd’s. Something that both couples had put down to them just being clumsy. 

They’d attempted to scare them with Brian’s footsteps, however, this proved to be a much harder task than they’d anticipated. Firstly, they’d had to find Brian’s body, which was notoriously difficult to find. Then they’d had to try and get the headless figure to cooperate, which was easier said than done. The figure had eventually wound up knocking into Janus and sending both of them tumbling down the stairs. It was not Janus’ day today. 

They’d decided to hold a meeting in the lounge (to come up with a new battle plan as Logan had called it). However, like most of their meetings, it had descended into petty bickering.

“All I’m saying is that if  _ someone  _ knew how to work his own goddamn legs then it would’ve worked.” 

“My head is no longer attached to my body, Janus. Pray tell, what would you have me do about it?”   
“There’s no other way you could’ve died?”   
“Oh, that’s a great idea. I should’ve thought of that when they were executing me. ‘Sorry gents, any chance you could kill me some other way? It’ll make my time as a ghost so much easier’.”

Janus scoffed and turned away, knocking Brian’s head onto its side out of spite. 

“Now, now guys.” Patton said, sitting Brian’s head back upright. “Arguing is not going to get us anywhere. We need to work together.”

  
“That’s rich, coming from you.” Roman scoffed. “You were the one that didn’t want to help before!”   
“I did help. I just didn’t want him to have to buy a new mobile.”

“Why do you care?”

“Oh, so Pat’s the bad one for caring about someone other than himself? Typical Roman.”

“No one asked for your opinion Virgil!”

The group descended into a bickering mess as Remus watched on. He did care for his friends and liked seeing them happy, he really, truly did. But sometimes, watching them bicker was more entertaining than anything. So he sat off to the side, watching his friends argue with a smirk plastered across his face. He almost didn’t notice Remy, dragging a bunch of cleaning equipment upstairs.   


He watched as the boy clambered onto the windowsill and began cleaning, eventually leaning as far out of the window as he could to clean the outside.   


Perfect. 

Remus almost felt like letting out a villainous laugh as a plan formed in his head and he snuck away from his friends and towards the currently distracted Remy. It was easier than he’d thought. All it took was a little push and he was gone. The boy hadn’t even had time to react as he tumbled to the ground, hitting the concrete with a thud. 

********

Remy didn’t know how it’d happened. One minute he’d been cleaning the windows, next thing he knew, he was on the ground in the front yard with Emile leaning over him. His poor husband was worried sick, trying to keep Remy conscious and assuring him that the ambulance was on it’s way. 

He’d been pushed. Someone had snuck up behind him and pushed him. He’d felt their hands on his back, felt the force as they pushed him from the window.

But how was that possible? 

He and Emile were the only two people in the house and Emile had been in the garden. He’d seen him from the window, so how …?

Remy felt everything going black as he began to drift off. The last thing he saw before passing out was a blurred figure standing at the open window. 

********

“Did you push him, Remus?”

“Well, you see, it’s rather difficult to explain. You see, Logan-”

“Did you push him? Yes or no?”

“Well, it all depends on context, Janus…”

“It is rather a yes or no question, Remus.”

“But you don’t know all the facts, Patton. You see-”

“ANSWER THE QUESTION, DAMN YOU!”   
“Well, Roman, I was-”

“Did ye or did ye not push that young lad from the window, mate?”   
“Fine, fine fine. I did it, okay. I pushed him. But I did it for all of us. If he’s dead then he’ll move on and we can relax or he’s been scared off.”

Needless to say, Remus’ actions did not sit well with the rest of the ghosts. The group was split between not condoning his actions but understanding Remus’ point and being absolutely disgusted by his behaviour and not wanting to be around him under any circumstances. 

********

Two weeks. 

Two looooong weeks and the ordeal was finally over.

Emile hadn’t been able to eat or sleep or do anything but worry about his husband. Remy had almost died. Well, technically he had died, for a minute. Let’s just say, it wasn’t exactly something that Emile wanted to experience ever again.

But he didn’t have to worry now. Remy was fine. He’d been given the all clear from the doctors and (besides a broken arm) he was completely healed. 

He’d been insistent, ever since he’d woken up in the hospital, that work was still to continue on the house. In Remy’s words “I ain’t almost dyin’ for a house to just quit halfway through decorating”. Emile had gotten the green light from Jeremy to begin construction (much to the ghosts dismay) and things were going according to plan.

The husbands excitedly chatted about the plans for their house on the way back to the estate. If someone didn’t know any better, they’d never have noticed that just two weeks prior, Remy had fallen out of a second story window and almost died.

“And you’re sure you’re feeling alright?”   
“Yeah, honey, I’m fine.”

“Okay. Now you need to take it easy for a little while-”   
“Gurl I’m fine. Trust me. I’ve never felt better in my entire-”

Remy paused, staring ahead as they pulled up to the house. Waiting at the front doors of the house was … a very odd assortment of people. A pirate, a caveman, some Victorian looking guy … a head … an actual severed head … that was talking ….

“Oh. My. God.”


	3. I See You

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Remy can now see the ghosts, which opens up a whole new bunch of opportunities for the ghosts to mess with him.

“Please tell me you see them.” Remy spoke, voice shaking as he stared at the strange (and, frankly, very creepy looking) group standing in front of their house.

“See, who?” Emile asked, following Remy’s gaze but seeing nothing.    
  
“Them!” Remy shrieked as the caveman rushed towards them, stopping just beside his car window. Emile’s face dropped and he couldn’t help the wave of concern that washed over him. Was this normal? Was Remy having a breakdown? Did they have to go back to the hospital?

“Rem. I promise you, there is no one there.” Emile stepped out of the car and walked around to assure his husband that they were alone.

“W-why are … you can’t … they’re there! There’s a stone age one, a pirate, one with no body … one with half a suit and fishnets…”

“And the first from Oxford!” Remus chimed in, clearly not appreciating being judged on his attire.

“And the first from Oxford…” Remy muttered instinctively before snapping back to the situation at hand. “Emi, I think I’m losing it. I can see them and hear them a-and-”

Emile shushed his frantic husband, gently trying to guide him out of the car. He frowned when he felt how badly the man was shaking, this wasn’t like Remy at all. The man reluctantly allowed himself to be pulled out of the car but he clung to Emile’s sleeve and stared at the, (what Emile perceived to be) empty doorway. Emile turned to him, cupping Remy’s face in his hands and guiding his husband’s head until he was looking into his eyes. “Rem. Look at me. There is no one there, I promise you. Remember, the doctor said you’d suffered a concussion, right? This is just your brain playing tricks on you.” 

Remy just stared, eyes darting between Emile and he figures at the front door. He knew Emile was probably right. I mean, ghosts weren’t real, right? It made much more sense that he was just dealing with some sort of hallucinations from hitting his head than him randomly seeing ghosts. But there was something so strange, so  _ real  _ about the people he was seeing, that wasn't something Remy could conjure up on his own. Was it?

“Listen, how about you go for a nice hot … er … lukewarm bath then we’ll order a pizza and watch some Steven Universe. Sound good?”

“Y-yeah. That sounds fantastic, babes.” He gave Emile a smile and a quick peck on the lips before allowing his husband to lead the way to the house. Remy kept his eyes squeezed tightly shut as they approached the door and didn’t open them until they were in the living room.    
  
He cracked an eye open, nervously glancing around the room and let out a sigh of relief as he saw nothing. “They’re gone.” He grinned. Emile chuckled and picked his husband up bridal style. 

“See. What did I tell you?” He grinned, manoeuvring Remy’s cast-clad arm around his shoulders. “Now. How about that bath?”

********

“Gentlemen, listen up. We appear to have been given a second opportunity here.” Logan spoke, drawing the ghosts attention to him as they lounged around in the kitchen. It was times like these where he really missed his chalkboard and pointer. “Young Master Sanders-”   


“He’s no ‘Master’.” Andy sneered, he clearly wasn’t sold on the boy. “A true gentleman would never carry themselves in such a flash manner.”

“Well, whatever he is, he can now see us. I believe we can use this to our advantage. Now is our time to strike, use our newfound advantage to strike the enemy-”   
  
“Why is it always about war with you?” Patton masked his frustrated voice with a nervous chuckle. Logan let out an offended scoff and gestured towards his uniform. Patton ignored him and carried on. “Why can’t we just be friendly? You know, introduce ourselves, show them around and, once we’ve all had a right good laugh, we can sit down and discuss this whole hotel business.” 

Logan rolled his eyes. “That is absolutely ridiculous, Patton. Can you imagine how annoying and frosting that would be? It’d be enough to drive anyone out of thei-” He paused, smirking as an idea dawned on him. “You know what? Go ahead, Patton. Do that.”

Patton, mistaking Logan’s intentions, let out an excited squeal and clapped his hands. Earning a mixture of eyerolls and sympathetic looks from his peers. 

“Okay gentlemen. We’ll show these intruders.”

********

Remy’s relief at the figures being mere figments of his imagination faded quickly. Very. Quickly. 

He’d barely even woken up the next morning when he was greeted by the soldier he’d seen yesterday. The man was standing over him as he woke up (Emile having let him lie in whilst he did some repairs). It wasn’t exactly the way one would like to wake up.

“Boy, you are trespassing on occupied land.” The man spoke with a loud voice, similar to that of a military commander. “I order you to pack up your belongings and leave at once. This land does not belong to you.”

Remy screeched and pulled the blankets over his head as he prayed for, whatever  _ that  _ was to just disappear. However, this was not his day. The soldier instead leant over, his face appearing through the blankets as he continued to lecture him and demand that Remy and Emile leave. 

The boy shot up out of bed and rushed to the closet, letting out a scream at the caveman inside.

“BOO!” Immy yelled, causing Remy to stumble back and rush out the bedroom door. The boy was so frantic that he didn’t notice Patton standing in front of him until he’d almost ran straight through him. Remy paused for a second to compose himself. ‘ _ It’s not real, gurl. Remember what Emi said. It’s just ‘cause of the concussion, remember?’ _   
  
“Oh, hello there. Welcome to Sanders House. My name’s Patton and, on behalf of me and my fellow ghosts, I’d like to-”   
“You’re not real.”

“Well, we’re no alive but we’re certainly real-”

“I can’t hear you.”

“I mean, I think you can.”

“No I can’t.” Remy snapped, turning and walking down the hallway.

“It’s just, you’re answering me.”

“No I’m not.” 

Turning the corner into the living area, Remy was met with yet another familiar face. And fishnet stockings. 

“Whoa now, where are you off to in such a rush? Looking for the husband, are we?” Remus began speed walking to keep up with the boy. “Wonder what you two got up to last night. We saw the pair of you go into the bathroom. I, personally, was never a fan of shower se-” 

Remy stormed into the kitchen and slammed the door in the politicians face (Remus stopping out of instinct, almost forgetting he could walk through walls and doors). “Well now, isn’t he a feisty one.” Remus chuckled. He turned to Harley. “What now?” 

“Oh, don’ts you worry. I haves somefing up my sleeve…”

********

“Get out. Get out. Get out. Get out. Get out. Get out. Get out. Get out. Get out.”

Remy cringed as the ash covered ghost chanted in his ear. He put all of his focus into just making his toast and having a nice, calm breakfast.  _ ‘It’s not real. It’s not real. Just the concussion, remember.’  _

That was how the entire next two days went. The ghosts harassed Remy non stop and Remy (growing more stressed by the minute) acted like they didn’t exist.

He ignored the dungaree-clad ghost as he attempted to give Remy a tour of the house. He seemed pleasant enough but the caved in (and bloody) part of his skull scared the hell out of Remy.   


_ Getoutgetoutgetoutgetoutgetoutgetout _   


He ignored the Victorian ghost who seemed to have a passion for scaring Remy silly with shadows on the walls. He ignored the politician that followed him around, asking extremely invasive questions about Remy and Emile’s, erm, nightly activities, as well as going into way too much detail about his own little ‘adventures’. 

_ Getoutgetoutgetoutgetoutgetoutgetout _

He ignored the poet that would attempt to recite Shakespeare to him. The headless body that would stumble around the house (often through Remy) and i’s owner who’d try to strike up a conversation. The pirate that kept him up all night singing. The caveman that hid in every dark corner to scare the hell out of him. The soldier that followed him around, demanding he leave. The severed head that constantly tried to make conversation. 

_ Getoutgetoutgetoutgetoutgetoutgetout _

He ignored the Edwardian ghosts that followed him around, pointing out his every flaw.

_ “A gentleman uses cutlery.” _

_ “A gentleman does not wander the house in his nightwear.” _

_ ( _ Remy slammed the door in the spirit's face, throwing a few choice words his way)

_ “A gentleman would not tell me to do  _ **_that_ ** _ to myself!”  _

_ Getoutgetoutgetoutgetoutgetoutgetout _

“ALRIGHT! ENOUGH!” Remy screeched, covering his ears and rushing from the room. 

The ghosts paused, looking at each other in slight shock. Logan and Remus shared a glance and the latter beganto smirk. “Well. I think our work here is done.”

********

“Okay, c’mon YouTube. Daddy needs to fix this boiler.” Emile muttered to the laptop, because who needed professionals to fix these things when you have YouTube?

Emile pulled one of the levers and pressed a few buttons (author has no idea how boilers work) and tried his best to follow the guy in the tutorial. After a few tries, the boiler let out a low hissing sound. Emile smiled.“Yes. That’s gotta be a good sign.” He cheered, mentally giving himself a pat on the back.

The ghosts surrounding him let out a chorus of noises of disagreement, shaking their heads in disapproval. 

“No, daddy.” Elliot started. “That’s not good. You have to pull the red- Or just keep pressing buttons.” They looked to Corbin, both spirits sharing a look of disappointment. 

“Unbelievable.” Corbin sighed. 

Emile spun around, hearing Remy’s frantic footsteps as his husband raced downstairs. The boiler let out a louder hiss and Dot and Larry shot each other a look of concern.

“That's not good.” Dot said in a worried voice.

“Not good at all. Son, pull the red lever.” Larry added, suddenly remembering how annoying it was that the living couldn’t hear them. 

There was a chorus of voices as all the spirits tried in vain to warn Emile. Hoping to god that the man would realise his mistake and pull the red lever. 

“Emile, babes, I need to go to the hospit- Oh my god!” Remy screeched as he caught sight of the group surrounding his husband. They were all dressed in medieval clothing and had several painful looking scabs all over their body. Remy covered his eyes and turned away from the sight.

“What’s wrong, Rem?” 

“What’s wrong? It’s like Night of the Living Dead in here!”

“Night of the Living Dead?” Larry shuddered. “That sounds scary, doesn’t it.” 

“Rem, there’s no one here. Remember, we talked about this. It’s the concussion-”   
“Well then we need to go to the hospital so they can give me some medication or therapy or a knock on the other side of my head to stop me from seeing the cast from the Shining every time I walk into a room.”

Elliot paused for a moment then grabbed Dot’s arm as a wave of realisation washed over them. “He can see us!”

After a moment, Remy was bombarded with the ghosts' yells as they jumped around and frantically gestured towards the boiler, which was now hissing violently.

_ Red Lever. Red Lever. Red Lever. Red Lever. Red Lever. Red Lever.  _

Remy covered his ears and rushed upstairs. “Rem, what’s wrong?” Emile called, grabbing his coat and car keys. 

_ Red Lever. Red Lever. Red Lever. Red Lever. Red Lever. Red Lever.  _

“Argh, RED LEVER!” Remy yelled, rushing away. Emile paused for a moment before hearing the violent hissing of the boiler and it dawned of him. He rushed over and pulled the lever, sighing in relief as the machine went silent.

He was completely unaware of the group surrounding him, clapping and cheering. The same group that let out a sigh of disappointment as he rushed upstairs and turned out the lights.    
  
“Aww, well that was nice anyway, wasn’t it?”

********

Remy felt so much better now that he was in the doctor's office, away from, well, whatever those things were. 

The doctor took a seat opposite him, offering the young man a friendly smile. “So, Mr Sanders-Picani. How can I help you today?”   
  
“Well, um, I had a pretty nasty fall a couple weeks back and, well I’ve been seeing some things.”   
“What sort of things exactly?”

“People. I kept seeing people, they’re all in old timey clothes, all around the house. Emile said it’s just hallucinations from the concussion but surely they’d be gone by now. Right?”   
“Hmm, well, the healing process is different for everyone. Are these hallucinations auditory or just visual?”

“I can hear them. Am I having a breakdown or something?” 

“Oh no, my boy, I wouldn’t say that.” The doctor chuckled. “Can you see them now?”

“No. Just at the house. What do you think it is?”

“Well, it is difficult to say. But, in my personal opinion, I think you came so close to death that you somehow developed the ability to see and interact with the dead.”

“W-what?”   
“Well, can you see me?”

“Yeah.”

“Yep, well, I’m dead.”

Remy let out a shocked gasp as the doctor stood up and walked through the wall just as a young lady walked into the room and sat at the desk across from Remy.    
  
“Oh, she’s a fantastic doctor.” The (dead) doctor smiled, poking his head back through the wall.

“So,” The (alive) doctor smiled. “How can I help you today, Mr Sanders-Picani?”

Remy fumbled for the door and rushed out into the waiting area and into his husband’s arms. Emile was barely able to understand his partner’s frightened rambling but he did catch that he just wanted to go home. Emile immediately bundled his husband up and got him into the car, growing more worried by the second at REmy’s unusual behaviour. 

********

“They’re real.” Remy muttered, feeling calmer now that he was in the car with Emile. He was bundled up in his hubby’s soft, fuzzy cardigan too which offered an extra layer of comfort.

“Hmmm?”   
“The ghosts. They’re real.”   
“Rem-”

“I know what you’re thinking but they’re real. I swear. In the house, it’s the same people. But at the hospital, it was completely different. Different places, different faces.”

Emile sighed gently but decided to humour Remy, the sassy man could be extremely stubborn, sometimes it was best to just go along with him.

“So what’re you going to do?”   
“I think we should move. Just sell the house and leave. They get what they want and they stop bothering me.”

“Ah.”   
“What? What’s that face for?”   
“Now probably wouldn’t be the best time to tell you that we’re in over our heads with the loans.”

“So…”   
“So, if the hotel doesn’t work out then we’re going to be in major debt that we probably won’t be able to pay back. And I only added ‘probably’ to make it sound less harsh….”   
“Great. We’re stuck here.”    
“Sort off. Sorry, honey.”   
“It’s fine.” Remy glared at the house (and the figures standing outside it) as they pulled up to the driveway.    
  
“What’re you thinking, Rem?”

“I’m thinking,” Remy started, throwing the car door open and stomping outside “I’m gonna confront these bitches.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope y'all enjoyed :) 
> 
> Ignore any spelling mistakes.

**Author's Note:**

> Thought I'd add a list of what sort of era the ghosts are from as well, just in case anyone was curious (probably got some stuff wrong but, hey, I tried). Hope y'all enjoyed this, apologies for any spelling mistakes. 
> 
> Immy - Caveman  
> Plague Ghosts - 1350  
> Brian - 1535 (Tudor)  
> Virgil - 1664 (Pirate)   
> Harley - 1692 (Salem witch trials)   
> Roman - 1815 (Regency)  
> Janus - 1883 (Victorian)  
> Andy - 1907 (Edwardian)   
> Logan - 1943 (WW2)  
> Patton - 1984  
> Remus - 1993


End file.
